Melancholia: Going Through Depression

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy." 
- St. Francis


It's September now, and in the U.S. this means autumn is coming soon, and with every autumn comes a seasonal melancholy feeling, at least for me. Sometimes people think it's depression, and sometimes they're right. Lots of us struggle with depression, and it's never easy. Even when people tell me, "Don't worry, God will get you through it", I still have that dark feeling of anxiety lurking around for quite some time. Living with anxiety disorder my whole life has never been easy and it never will be. However, that's not what's important: Living this cross of mine, this cross that my Lord Jesus Christ has given to me, is the whole point, because it's by this cross that I've learned to love like He does, and how I've learned to love Him more and more every day.

Especially in the autumnal season, I reflect on my past and become both sad and joyful, sad about all the friends I've lost, all the people who I've seen suffer unjustly, all the people I've seen leave their Beloved King. I'm joyful for all those people, though, because He put them in my life for a reason and He had them leave for another reason, and He let the suffering happen so they could grow stronger, and He let them leave His side because He loves them so much that He respects their free will. And even though the melancholia begins to kick in and may last for a long time, I still thank my Lord that He sent the people and situations to me so I could be His. When we reflect on the past events and people in our lives, we should always be trying to understand what place they had in His plans for us.

Of course, anxiety stuff does still come around plenty of times, and it's not going to stop. But my worries aren't really important, I've found. In the very least, they're a reminder of something that depression makes us forget; trusting in our God is always so necessary, especially when we feel like we don't need to or shouldn't. And there's a perfect reason to trust in Him; He's already got everything set up in His plans for us. I know it's cliche to say not to worry, but it's really what's necessary, because there's no need to! Our Heavenly Bridegroom has already set up the wedding feast, so why should we worry ourselves with pointless things? Although I do find joy in the memories of the past, they still really only serve as a guide for the future, of my place in His will, and of Who brought me home and will bring me back to His side. Though I'm still anxious a lot of the time, I keep learning to trust in His will, because that's where I'll find my way through the darkness of depression and into His light of love.

All of you holy men and women, especially Saint. Dymphna, patron saint of anxiety, please pray for us!

All of you readers, please pray for the writers of this page!