This past Monday was Labor Day in the U.S, and since then I've been asking both my Lord and myself whether I labor properly for Him, for His holy will. I've been feeling recently like I'm in a state of spiritual dryness, and this has left me anxious and wondering if I'm actually able to do His will right now. I feel like I'm in no state to come closer to Him because it seems like He's so far away from me. Yet today I've begun to realize why this is complete tomfoolery, utter nonsense and extremely detrimental to myself and to others.
A good friend of mine has always told me that feelings don't matter in faith and works of faith, that feelings don't matter much in real love; this is completely true! I said above that I 'felt' a spiritual dryness, that I 'felt' like I'm not in a proper state to do His will, and these feelings have only served to increase my anxiety. However, when I actually think about what I'm able to do for His will, completely by His grace alone, I realize that I can always do His will, again by His grace alone. Obviously if I'm in sin, then I'm less open to that grace, but feeling a state of spiritual dryness doesn't necessarily connote sin. Blessed Mother Theresa of Calcutta once said that, in the later parts of her life, she felt as if God was nowhere near her. St. John of the Cross describes this state as a "dark night of the soul", a time when God lets the soul experience dryness so that the soul can be moved to love again, to desire and to laboring for the Beloved. A dark night of the soul is not at all an excuse to think one can't do His will; it is, in fact, an invitation to work more!
The invitation to work more by our feeling this dryness, by our realizing our anxieties, these dark nights, is necessary for our growth in love. Yet though the feelings do help to trigger it, they are, as said above, nearly unimportant, only serving as the trigger. What 's always more important in these dark nights is our response to them by our seeking to labor more and more in love for our Lord Jesus Christ, Who gave Himself up for us even in the greatest suffering, Who Himself said, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?" Even in that pit of despair, Christ, the Son of God, cried out, wondering where His Father was. However, He still died, He still resurrected, and He still ascended and is now seated at the right hand of the Father who He cried to; He still did His work, He still labored in and after the suffering. So it's the same with us: We must not only know of the invitation, we must take it up to work for His will.
St. John of the Cross, in his writing on the dark nights of the soul, says that they're necessary for the soul to grow more in love with it's Beloved Christ; "In tribulation immediately draw near to God with confidence, and you will receive strength, enlightenment, and instruction." We're going to have dark nights of the soul, it's inevitable, and our Beloved Bridegroom allows them to come so that we can search for Him, work for Him, by our feeling away from Him. By our feeling dryness or even despair, He helps us to labor to be more and more in love with Him.
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