Relationships: No Need to Worry

"There is no place for selfishness—and no place for fear! Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice" - Pope St. John Paul the Great


I have a problem that I've needed to work on for my entire life, not only in relationships but in everyday situations; I worry almost constantly. It's partly due to my anxiety disorder, partly due to my constant thinking and inventing ridiculous theories about things I never need to worry about in any way, shape, or form. But I've always noticed it's especially prevalent in my relationships with people, especially my girlfriend. I even worry about making her worry from my worrying! See how ridiculous it is?

But there are two things that are incredibly important that I often forget; First, I've been commanded not to worry (Matthew 6:25-34, John 14:27, Philippians 4:6-7, etc.). Secondly, I have nothing ever to worry about (Psalm 56:3). Both my Lord, my Godly Beloved, and my girlfriend, my mortal beloved, tell me not to ever worry, especially concerning my relationship with them. But why have I been commanded this, and why don't I need to worry? Why don't any of us need to worry?

St. Paul says in Hebrews 13:5-6 that "God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you'", and the Church repeats this constantly to the world with all of its problems, and that does and will always include romantic relationships, and since God should be the center of every one of such relationships, He will never forsake us in them either. Whenever I worry, it's mainly because I don't know the future, whether it be the close one or far off. But I know I'm never going to know the future (unless I'm given the gift of prophecy, but only as He wishes), and so God tells us, commands us to never worry, because His will is above all of our thoughts and hopes, and His plans are so inconceivable by us (Isaiah 55:8, Jeremiah 29:11). We never need to even think of what might lie in the future except for asking God to will what He wants for us, because He already has everything perfectly planned.

But aren't there still things I'll worry about even if I've been commanded not to? Of course there are, it's inevitable that I will worry about things. However, just like my girlfriend and my Lord both say, and just like I'm sure couples tell each other constantly as reassurance and hear in prayer together, there is nothing to worry about. There are always going to be things people need to think, talk, and pray about together, especially couples, things about the past, the present, and the future together, but those things have been taken care of, are being taken care of, and will be taken care of by God's grace, mercy, and love, and while we may have the part of saying yes to His invitations, that is all we need to make sure we do, because how can we do anything else when everything else is outside of our power?

Whenever I have a day of excessive worrying (just recently in fact), I realize in the evening and night time that all my worrying has been for nothing, and is usually just caused by something silly like not having enough to eat in the day or not enough water or a stressful test or essay that day, and I'll remember at that point that my girlfriend often says to me that she doesn't see any point in worrying. No good can come of worrying, and it'll just lead to not trusting God and others as we should. Though it sometimes seems like there might be something good that could come from it, we need to realize that there are things we can do, in relationships of all kinds, to prevent worrying and to prevent the things we might be worried about. Pray together at least every week, every day if you can, even just for four or five minutes, go to Mass together, go to Adoration together, ask for blessings from priests and deacons, and, of course, talk together and discuss things, even if it seems scary sometimes. These are the things that have a point to them, these are the things that good can come out of.

So don't worry, because our Lord God Almighty already has everything planned perfectly. Instead of worrying, ask Him separately and together to do what He wants, because it's better than anything we can think of or do by ourselves.

St. Padre Pio, St. Dymphna, St. John of the Cross, Pope St. John Paul the Great, and all of you holy men and women, and all of you angelic hosts and choirs, please pray for us! Mary, our Immaculate Queen and Mother, please intercede for us and obtain for us the graces to trust in God our Lord!

All of you readers, please pray for each other and for the writers of the blog!

Contemplation Series: A Dulled Blade

"Not all the faculties and senses have to be employed in things, but only those that are required; as for the others, leave them unoccupied for God... The soul that desires God to surrender himself to it entirely must surrender itself entirely to him without keeping anything for itself." - St. John of the Cross


First off, I'd like to apologize to all the readers of this blog as it's primary writer. It's been close to three weeks since the last article, and that would normally be unacceptable. However, the reason that it's been so long is twofold, and I would like to share them with you all so that any confusion can be cleared up. First off, my family moved just recently, and I've been preoccupied with it enough to stall writing. Secondly, recently in prayer when I've asked for something to write about in this series on contemplation, I've been told that I should be patient and wait for something more important than usual that I can specifically relate to and write about. So here we are! (Special thanks to Father Ed Fride, pastor of Christ the King Catholic Church in Ann Arbor, MI.)

In one of his most recent homilies (I believe it was the one for All Souls' Day), the pastor of my parish, Fr. Ed Fride, talked a bit about the contemplative life and its connection to Purgatory and to the cleansing of the soul in preparation for Paradise, for being with Christ, with the Father, with the Holy Spirit, for receiving the infinite outpouring of divine love from the Most Holy Trinity our God. He talked about how one of the main facets of the contemplative life is the giving up of all the external things, even the pleasures, for the sake of receiving more of the love of God into our hearts. These things, which include internal things like sensual and sexual pleasures, desires for things, even things we know to be good, and pleasure gained from them, are external by the fact that they can very easily distract us from what should be our true happiness; God alone.

In fact, there's a song that goes by the same name that I hear every so often, which in fact is this poem:
God alone! God alone!
In your courts, O my Lord, is my home!
You are my treasure, my portion,
delight of my soul!
My life, my salvation, my fortress,
my God and my all!
O my soul, claim nothing as your own!
For you, there is God,
and God alone!

God should be our all in all, our everything, for God is all we need. St. John of the Cross writes constantly about the importance of having our senses dulled so that we won't be distracted by them, for how can sensory pleasures compare to God Himself, He Who is Everything Good? St. Augustine writes in "Confessions" about the dangers of the senses; "And so the general experience of the senses, as was said, is called the lust of the eyes..." Our senses are of course good, for they are the tools God has given us so we can experience life and the world around us. However, they are not a good in and of themselves, they are not an end, nor is the pleasure we can gain from them. Rather, they serve us so we can experience things and by experiencing things we can come closer to God. Our only true happiness should be in Him, because He is the only one who can provide that true happiness.
In conclusion, the main point is this; Although most of us will probably not be living a contemplative life in a monastery, or even simply as a priest or in religious life, we all need to be careful with our sensory experiences, and bend them to God's will. Married, engaged, and discerning to be married couples should take care especially in the physical and emotional areas, while priests and people in the religious life, although certainly able to be distracted by the above areas, should take care in the other areas which might be stronger from the absence of the above areas. Of course we should never view the senses themselves as bad, but living in contemplation, living with a constant desire for God alone, requires that the sensory experiences are the least of our problems and pleasures.